91 ⎸ Building Friendships as an Entrepreneur with Rita Hallaveld

In this special interview episode, I have my sister on the podcast! She’s a former social worker and relationship therapist-turned-coach here to talk about building a strong inner circle of friends.

In this episode you’ll hear:

• why strong friendships are important for entrepreneurs
• how to be intentional about building relationships
• how to manage capacity & boundaries in business (and your personal life!)

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• The Art Of Asking by Amanda Palmer
• Free Inner Circle Assessment - use code AMBITIOUS at checkout!
• Workshop

About our guest:

A former social worker and relationship therapist-turned-coach, Rita is passionate about helping other women and entrepreneurs deepen their connections to others. As a mom and entrepreneur with over a decade in the field of mental health counseling, she's seen how critical it is to have a circle of emotionally intimate friends. She has many hobbies and passion projects centered around building strong communities and enjoying the outdoors.

Connect with Rita:

www.ritahallaveldcoaching.com

rita@ritahallaveldcoaching.com

Thanks for listening. If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram stories and tag me, @ambitiousbookkeeper

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• Descript (affiliate link)
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Transcript

Serena: 0:02

Welcome back to the Ambitious Bookkeeper Podcast just like I do. Every time I have a guest, I'm gonna say this is a super duper special guest, but this one like for real, really is because this is my sister. Um, so hopefully you'll be able to differentiate our voices as we speak. Rita: Good luck with that. Yeah. Because even our own parents can't . So,

Rita: 0:28

uh, but

Serena: 0:28

anyway, this is Rita. She is a formal social worker and relationship therapist, turn coach, and I'm bringing her on today to talk about, uh, friendships and navigating that through being an entrepreneur and being in an online business or working virtually. And I'm super excited to have you here. So welcome. And if you'd like to kind of give your own like who you are and how you help people, that would be awesome.

Rita: 0:59

Sure. Yeah. Thanks. I'm super excited to be here having this conversation. Um, I am really super passionate about, um, deeper connections and helping people foster those deeper connection

Serena: 1:12

connections,

Rita: 1:13

specifically women who are entrepreneurs. Um, we live in a world where a lot of us, um, feel. Just like feel lonely or disconnected, and there's a lot of different reasons for that. And so I help, I help women and entrepreneurs kind of build those, those stronger relationships, whether it's new connections or older connections that they want to deepen. Yeah.

Serena: 1:42

Before we hit record and we were kind of talking about like where to take the conversation, we started talking about like the challenges. Um, in-person friendships when you're so used to being, doing everything online and doing things, vir things virtually. And I know a lot of my listeners are in that, like online space or working virtually at home by themselves, maybe with kids. But, um, it's very different than being in an office with other

Rita: 2:10

adults. And,

Serena: 2:12

um, yeah, it was, it's kind of interesting because I made the comment of. I've actually created some really deep connections through my business and meeting people online, which is interesting and maybe is because I'm an introvert and it's like easier to like get over that awkward getting to know someone's stage when it's all virtual

Rita: 2:38

I don't

Serena: 2:39

know, , maybe I'm totally off base there, but, But I've even taken like those friendships in person. Like if people have listened for any amount of time, they know my friend Alyssa, who's the workflow queen, and we met. On Instagram, um, through a common hashtag, , and we both serve the same audience, the same, uh, you know, customers and clients. And we've met in person multiple times now, and it's like, it's almost like I've known her

Rita: 3:09

forever, . Um, but how can

Serena: 3:15

someone like that is kind of struggling to. To build relationships in person, like craving that, um, start to find ways to do that when they are like, You know, kind of isolated in the online world, if you have a suggestion on that or, yeah,

Rita: 3:37

yeah. I mean, I do, I do wanna say that like, I think that you're, you're really on point with the idea of like being an introvert, and that's sometimes making it harder. Um, there can be a lot of things going on, like internally in our minds, right, that like the in-person space feels a lot more vulner., um, and vulnerability is, is hard, but like really necessary for us to have, have strong, uh, connections that are like, really have a lot of emotional depth to them. So that in-person bit is, it is pretty important. And I have like a couple of. Key things. One is we have to make time for it, right? Like it has to be a priority. And being honest with ourselves about how much of it, how much is a priority, um, how much of a priority it is. There we go, . Um, and really like carving out the time, right? Put it on your calendar. Make it like, make it an appointment. Make it something that is a non-negotiable and.. And then from there, looking at like the kinds of activities that are going to help foster those connections. So obviously we wanna have friends that we have something in common with . Um, but it doesn't have to be everything in your life, right? It could be one hobby. Um, so. So one of the things that really helps build stronger bonds faster is when our endorphins, um, get, get triggered, right? We wanna like boost our endorphins. So something where you're say exercising, it could be taking a walk, it could be taking a hike, it could be a yoga class or a dance class, something like that. Um, those kinds of things., it can be really helpful if you're not into the physical activity, kinds of hobbies as much. Um, it could be some something that you volunteer with or some other way of getting your creativity flowing, right? So it could be something artistic. Maybe it's a wine and paint night, or. Um, some other kind of like craft class, right? Like there's a lot of, um, I don't know how often this, this happens in like, smaller places, but like a lot of bigger cities have like, um, nature conservancies or conservatories and museums and different things where you can like take a class and learn how to like learn how to do something that's that's more crafty. Um, and anywhere that you're going where there're going to be other people. and you're engaging in some kind of activity together can help sort of break the ice a little bit. Yeah. As well. Um, yeah, so those are kind of my two. Initial tips that come up, . Yeah.

Serena: 6:47

I think those are really good ones, especially for like, those of us that do work from home alone and maybe used to work in an office and had like office friendships and now it really makes sense. Like why those bloom? Because you're all there like kind of for a common purpose or Yeah. Um, you know, and when you don't have, like, you don't really have that going then. Yeah. So,

Rita: 7:12

um, The thought of

Serena: 7:17

going to, like, for me, the thought of just showing going to a, like paint and wine night or a, um, a whate whatever, basically by myself makes me like, wanna throw up

Rita: 7:35

uh, um,

Serena: 7:36

like. I've definitely gone to those things, but it was with like a friend that I'd already established and we went together. So like,

Rita: 7:45

um,

Serena: 7:45

I'm getting better though. Like I have gone to some networking events by myself and stayed so, like it is possible for people if they're like me, but it takes a lot of. I have to like hype myself up, like leading up to it. Mm-hmm. for a while and like

Rita: 8:03

plan out that whole day to

Serena: 8:06

make sure that I'm in a good. Like mindset to be going to the thing. Rita: Right, right. Yeah. It sounds really ridiculous. But not at, not at all. So like, I mean, I consider myself to be an extrovert. Like I really thrive when I'm around a lot of people. But I also have days where the idea of like going someplace by myself. Where I don't know anyone and like trying to engage with people feels a lot harder. Right. Or like, I'll kind of freeze up in terms of conversation and like, that's normal I think for all of us, depending on what's going on, right? If, if I'm feeling insecure about something about myself, that's gonna permeate a lot of social interactions that take a little bit more, um, energy to engage in, right? I mean, it doesn't have to be going to a class where you don't know anyone. Maybe you invite someone who's just an acquaintance. Yeah. Maybe you've never really had like a lot of conversation with them, but you've got, um, I don't know, a neighbor who's got kids the same age as yours, right? Or another parent that you've met through your kids' school or, um, something like that, right? Maybe there's someone that you know through, through church or something like that, and. They seem like someone you might wanna get to know. Just taking that initiative to ask, Hey, there's this thing happening, would you be interested in going along with me? And then you have a familiar face. Yeah. And if you're working on some activity that you don't have to be engaged in conversation the whole time, that takes off a lot of pressure. Yeah. Yeah. That's so true. Yeah. I love that. So, um, one of the other things that. Like comes to mind right now is like now as we talk about doing things in person and like the world is opening up and there's like more networking events and things like that, um, I have. O obviously, like I've been participating in some locally and like I have on my schedule to go travel to some, um mm-hmm. which I'm a little bit nervous about, but for the most part I choose, I choose the events where I will at least know somebody there. So I think that's a good strategy. Just like you said, even though I don't know them well, they're like an acquaintance and you know, we can kind of like, at least I'll have a familiar face and then I heard something. Or read something recently. Um, it was probably like, I don't know someone's LinkedIn post, but it talked about like being the first person to like give the compliment or to like talk

Rita: 11:05

to somebody in the room. And I've always been that

Serena: 11:09

person. Like, and I, I learned this too at a retreat that I went to, um, where. The host was, was actually like, I'm an introvert, so like I. Wanna make sure that everybody here like has somebody to talk to, because I'm that person that will walk in the room and if everyone is already mingling and talking, I will like just hide in the corner. So I was like, okay, so I just need to find the other person that's hiding in the corner, and be the first person to talk to them. But that's one of those things that like, you have to be intentional about. Like, that's not my,

Rita: 11:45

that's not my first.

Serena: 11:48

Um, that's not natural for me to be the person to start the conversation. Like I'm always the, the quiet person in the room where, uh, like the extrovert. Befriends me and then introduces me to all of their friends. right, right.. Um, but I wanted to like bring that up because it's a really, like, it's one of those things that, yeah, there's gonna be things that are gonna be uncomfortable that you do have to be intentional about, but you're not gonna be the only person that is nervous. Or the introvert. So if you can just go look around the room and see the, find the other person that isn't talking to anyone, mm-hmm. and go talk to them. That's a really good

Rita: 12:27

strategy too.. Yeah, absolutely. It's a skill, right? It, it's a skill to learn, to take the initiative, um, to find ways to start conversations that. Actually end up being a conversation and not just a couple of like one or two word answers., right? Like that small talk is, is easy and low cost, which is why we engage in it. But I don't know anyone who honestly enjoy small talk. Right? Yeah., some people will be very outspoken about hating small talk, but they're, they. Ways to kind of ease into a conversation. You don't have to jump right to like, I don't know, tell me all of your deepest fears. Right.? Yeah. Like that's just way too much. But sometimes it can feel that way when we're, when we're getting to know someone new, it can feel like any little bit of opening up, um, we'll feel just as risky as telling our, our deepest fears. And so just kind of cultivating that skill of, of vulnerability, um, And taking the initiative. And one thing that that I think is often really helpful is to remember that on the whole, we vastly underestimate how much people will like us. It's just, it's a self-protective thing, but that's one of the natural ways that our human brain works, that we will expect that people won't like us and. We're usually underestimating that a lot. So trying to kind of go into a situation reminding yourself that actually most people are probably going to like you just fine. can be really helpful. And then practicing. Yeah, taking that, taking that initiative. The other thing that is really important is like, there has to be some, some consistency, right? Like, It's harder to build and maintain a friendship if we are not seeing each other or interacting with each other on a very regular basis. And there's some really fascinating research, actually. I love to like dive into the research on the human brain and sociology. Um, but there's some really fascinating research about like how many. How many people we actually need to have in our really close inner circle to, to thrive, right? To serve as like a protection against depression, anxiety, um, to be able to, you know, grow as humans. Um, and that's three to five. Like some of those could be family members, but three to five is kind of the sweet spot for those friends who. Are, you're like ride or die, right? You can call them up when you're having a rough time and they will listen. They can be a shoulder to cry on, um, that sort of thing, but it takes time to build that up. Yeah. And., there's like a certain number of hours of investment in like interaction, um, that tends to correspond to that. Um, but one thing that I think is really interesting is that if we're focusing on the right kinds of activities and conversations, we can kind of speed that up a little.. So if it takes, it takes somewhere between like 20 and

Serena: 16:06

40

Rita: 16:07

hours to turn someone from like a casual friend to a good friend. Um, so that's hours of time that you're spending together interacting , um, and then a hundred or more to go from like a good friend to a best friend if we only see each other once a week. That's a lot of weeks, right?. Yeah. And if it's, if it's spread out too far, it can like take even longer. So if that time is happening more frequently, it can build up faster. Like I think about like friends, that, friends that we made in school, right? We saw each other all the time, right? A good six hours a day, five days a week for for months on end. Going through similar experiences and all of those things can be kind of like a pressure cooker to build friendships quickly. Yeah. But that gets a lot harder when we're adults and we have our own families and we have work, and that takes up a lot of time. Um, so, so focusing on those things that are like, get your endorphins going, um, having certain kinds of conversations.

Serena: 17:20

That's really interesting and it like reminds me of, um, the times I've moved cities. It's taken like a couple years to find like a local close friend and be at that like status where you feel like you can tell them almost anything. Mm-hmm.. And so like for those of us who like have moved around and stuff, Just keep that in mind, like , the longer you wait to try to find a friend, the longer it's gonna take to have that like best friend status I'm like, I wish I would've known that a lot,

Rita: 17:59

a lot sooner. Right., right. No,

Serena: 18:00

totally. Yeah, I've, I've thought about

Rita: 18:02

that too, cuz I've like, I've also started over with the friend groups, right. Either by moving cities or. Having, having other major life changes that have just kind of totally changed my social group. And it's very normal to have for it to take a couple of years after moving to like really feel established. But then I, I've thought about when I've had to change my social circle and get close to people, like the things that have been the most helpful for that are. Not just the regular time, like going to, you know, maybe something that's weekly where we're able to spend time with each other, but being very intentional about becoming friends. Like I've had some really good friends who have, either I've done this or they've done this, or they've said, let's be friends. Right. Like the first meeting, right. Maybe we're having some conversation and it's like we're clicking on some level. Um, and that just very intentional statement of like, let's be friends, let's hang out again, and then making a plan right then. Yeah. Um, to actually get together. And, and I think that just like takes off a lot of pressure too when you, when you have the understanding that the other person is actually interested in trying to build a friendship. Yeah. Um, and it's, it's helped a. To, to do that kind of thing. Um, yeah, I've also

Serena: 19:40

gotten like, go ahead. Oh, I was gonna say, that reminds me of like, in kindergarten, like sitting next to somebody. Her name was Alicia, and like we were jiving or whatever. And sh and sh either she, I think she asked, she was like, let's, let's be friends or let's be best friends. I'm like, that's such a, like a kindergarten thing, but like sometimes you need somebody. Like say that to make, like, yeah. So just, you know that it's like a thing , right? Yeah. Like it's just, it's so, there's so many

Rita: 20:13

doubts that can go through our minds, right? Where we wonder like, does this person actually like me? Like, are they whatever, whatever it might be. We, we can have a lot of doubts. Um, Yeah. So having that, that very intentional, um, practice, right? And so like being intentional about the kinds of activities that you're gonna do. We, like, we need to have fun, right?, so maybe there's like a game that you can play together. Um, maybe there's. Even like a low, I don't know, a low cost of entry sort of activity could be watching a show that's like, got comedy in it, right? Like whether it's like a Netflix standup special that you're watching together or a, um, a like a sitcom or something, right? If there's some show that has comedy in it where you can laugh together. Like laughing together and like being able to be playful. Like that's super important. We need that in, in our, in our friendships in addition to the more serious conversations where we're catching up on life, where we're self-disclosing about how we feel, the kinds of thoughts that we have, you know, whatever, like struggles that we might have, and then showing. Attention, affection, love. Right? So that's one of the reasons that being in person can be so important to maintain a friendship, even if most of the time you don't live in the same place. Right? Like having once or twice a year where you can get together because we do little things like touching each other on the shoulder or the arm, right? Or a hug, hello and goodbye. And like that physical contact will also activate our endorphins. Yeah.. Yeah. So how

Serena: 22:10

does this, someone might be listening and be like, oh, what kind

Rita: 22:13

of podcast did I just tune into? I thought this was a business

Serena: 22:17

podcast, . Great. Um, so I probably should have asked this question at the very beginning, but like, why is it like, why, I mean, I've kind of alluded to like, especially if you're in the online space, like why this is important, but like why is this important for. Entrepreneurs, like, aren't we just supposed to like be successful and make money and work all the time?, being, but you know, we know what I'm saying,. Rita: Yeah. Yeah. I mean like, we definitely live in a culture that like pushes that, right. But I think most, most of us who are entrepreneurs are trying to break into that space of being an entrepreneur. Do it because we. More freedom and balance in our lives, and we recognize that we can't just be working all the time. Um, we're social creatures. Like that's what it boils down to. We're social creatures and our own, our own mental health is really highly dependent on having like positive connections with people and having. Like depth of connection we need. Um, and honestly, like we can grow so much more in terms of our mindset and our capacities to do the things that it takes to run a business. When, when there's not a part of our brains that's stressing out because we don't have the close connections that we need, um, So I don't know, like I, like I kind of thought about this ahead of time about like what's different in terms of friendships for entrepreneurs, right? So like one thing is that we have particular like values and mindset and we've gotta have at least one friend who. A lot of those similar kinds of values and mindset. Yeah. Even if they're not an entrepreneur themselves, having like a similar kind of mindset towards like personal growth and individual like capacity to, to do or create something. Mm-hmm.. Um, we need to have someone who can be that cheerleader for us.. Right. The one who's going to encourage us when we're overwhelmed by all the things that we have to learn, , all the new skills that, that it takes to, to run a business. Yeah. Um, the, the one who can like, serve as an inspiration. Um, I have thought about. I've had friends in the past who are not necessarily entrepreneurs, but they have like volunteer projects or something that they're, they're working on. Um, and just kind of seeing the way that they apply that mindset to something or like keep going with something that's important to them is often an inspiration for me. Mm-hmm.. Um, and when I've. Like, whenever I have a really close friend, I feel way more confident in myself. Right. And so like it gives us confidence to have those, those close bonds. Um, the other thing is yeah, just having someone that you can laugh with, having the concrete support, um, We can't actually literally do everything ourselves, , even though we often try. Um, and we're a lot happier, um, when we have people that we can lean on for things. Um, it's not always possible to have a friend do certain things for you. And so, The example of moving comes to mind for me. Mm-hmm.. There's been a lot of times when I've moved where I've just reached out to my network, my friend group, and said like, Hey, I'm moving on this day. Like, can you all come over and help me? Like, load up the car, load up the truck, right? and like I'll buy pizza and drinks and whatnot. And having. Like having people come together to help with that does so much more than the practical aspect of getting things moved from one house to the next. Like I could pay movers to do that and for a lot of, a lot of us, like that might be the right choice at a particular point in time, right? Yeah. But take making the choice to like ask friends for help with something that you could potentially pay someone for is sometimes. One of the best things that you can do, not just for yourself, but for, for your friends and for the relationship. Yeah. Yeah, that's a really good point. Like some of us have a really

Rita: 27:33

hard time asking for help Yeah. Um, yeah, that's actually something that I have put a lot of intentional work into. Um, and I still struggle with it, like internally. Yeah, more than anything, but like, I still struggle with it. Asking, asking for help, um, because of, you know, whatever ideas I have about what it means about me if I ask for help. And the, I think the, the one book that I read that was like a really big turning point for me around that is called The Art of Asking. It's by Amanda Palmer, um, who. Is a, um, a musical artist. She's part of the Dresden Dolls. Okay. No, no idea if any of your nurse would know that. But yeah. Anyway, um, she wrote this book, so it's like kind of a, it's a memoir, um, really, but she talks a lot about, um, she has this one line in there that I'm gonna botch cuz it's been a while since I read it. But it's something about like asking for. Is like a gift to the other person. Yeah. And if you like, turn it around and think about when you've been able to do something for someone else that you care about, how good does that make you feel? Right? Yeah. Like we want to be useful and we want to be helpful, so it's actually kind of a way to give other people that opportunity. To feel that. And it can be small, like it can start with small stuff. I recommend it actually, start with small things., honestly, like, that's kind of like

Serena: 29:16

moving us into like a, almost like a boundaries conversation. And I know you had that on your like, list of topics. And so I think I wanna go, I wanna dive into that because I know I'm, I'm working one-on-one with, um, One of my students and like , if you're listening , I hope you continue to listen. But like we talk a lot about like boundaries and I think that you wouldn't, you wouldn't expect that asking for help is like a boundary, but it is because you're asking, you're, you're, um, you're stating what you need and that's a boundary in it in itself, which you may or may not like. Some people may not realize that, but. That's like, that's like one of the first steps in being able to establish like other boundaries is

Rita: 30:09

being able to identify like what it is that you actually need or want and,

Serena: 30:13

and saying So

Rita: 30:15

mm-hmm. to somebody. Yeah. Um, yeah. So, uh, you had.

Serena: 30:21

You have some like research and tips for navigating boundaries and stuff. So do you wanna

Rita: 30:28

dive into that ? Sure, yeah. Yeah. So I mean, this is like super relevant to, to business, right, to entrepreneurship. Um, like we have to first of all cultivate that self-awareness of what our capacity is and. I feel like this is something that comes up a lot in entrepreneurship and especially when you're like new in that scene or like it's a new business, right? You could be an entrepreneur and have like sort of dabbled in that in different arenas. Mm-hmm.. Um, because our capacity's not the same from day to day and we tend to think of ourselves as. Either always being capable of our maximum and then judging ourselves by that, or only being capable of our minimum. And then like that can trigger a lot of shame, right? And cascade into like self-doubt and these other things that get in the way of having a business. So like this is one area where that sort of mindset work is important. For everything , everything in our lives, not just business, but also the friendships. So like knowing, being able to evaluate what my capacity is from day to day, and then communicating that where, where it's needed. So that might mean. Asking for, like say you have, if you have an employee, right? Maybe you have a virtual assistant or somebody asking for a little bit more that particular day or asking for help with, with something, or to like work together on shifting the priorities for the day. Um, and being able to communicate clearly when, when you don't have the capacity to do something that someone has asked of you. Yeah,

Serena: 32:34

right. Um, yeah, that's a big one.. Yeah, , yeah. If you're like, especially if you know that you're capable of doing it and you just don't really have the time or it's something that you enjoy doing or want to do, but you still don't have the time, like navigating that is really hard. Um, do you have. Any like tips for something like that. So say someone comes to you and they're like, I have this project that I'm working on. I think you would be perfect for whatever part of it. And it's like totally in your wheelhouse. You enjoy doing it, you are good at it, but you like literally don't have the time. What should you do?? Rita: Yes. Yeah. Uh, So first off, I think it's totally okay and important to practice the skill of asking for time to think about it before responding . Yeah. Because under pressure we're likely to cave to something that we think is going to like save the relationship, whatever, whatever it might be. Right? Just like we don't wanna upset someone or disappoint them. So asking for for time or just if it's via email, don't respond right away.. Yeah. Um, set a reminder on your calendar to respond in like 24 hours or two days or something. Um, would be the first. So it's, it's interesting that you bring this up because I'm gonna use a personal example. This literally just happened to me in the, like the last week, . I was approached by a friend who is, um, also, uh, a social worker and is currently still in practice in therapy about, um, running a workshop in a summit that her agency is doing that would provide continuing education credits for other therapists. And this is something that I've done a lot. Several years, like here and there, I'll run a program, um, that provides continuing education for other mental health professionals. And the topic was one that I've also done before. I've done it live, I've done it online, like for different groups. It wouldn't require me to make a lot of adjustments. It's something that I do enjoy. Um, but. I just wasn't sure if it was gonna fit in with everything that, um, going on. And so I took some time. I took some time to kind of think about it and evaluate. So this is kind of step two after taking some time, is evaluate what your values are and like what your, um, like what's important to you in. in that moment or in the near term, right. Over the next, say like two or three months. Yeah. What your priorities are and whether that ask fits in with those priorities and how well it does. Um, and again, this is where like the self cultivating that self-awareness comes in, we're not always gonna be perfect at it. Mm-hmm.. So in my case, I took some time to think about it and I thought, okay, well I can do this. But then I had to start thinking through how much time would it actually take me to prepare this, because the last time I did it was over a year ago. I'm gonna have to make some modifications to my materials. Um, and how, like how much time and. Is that going to take away from other things that are a priority in my life right now? Um, how might that affect me? Kind of letting myself think through what that would look like mm-hmm. so that I could tap into how does that feel internally? Um, how will that actually impact being able to stay on track with my other business goals or. For me, like maintaining good, strong connections with my friends is super important. So is that gonna tap into time that I would have been able to spend with friends or to spend with my daughter? Mm-hmm.. And so like that process might take a while, right? I'm not going to claim that like it's gonna be just like an hour long or less decision like, but we get faster at it the more practiced we are. Um, Kind of sitting down with yourself regularly to evaluate like what your, what your values are and your priorities and how they rank. We don't think a lot like this is something that I do in my coaching is help. Help people to identify their values and priorities and how they rank with each other. And that's not necessarily static that can change from, you know, one day or one year to the next. Um, but there are certain points in time where if we have two different values that are really important to us, that, that are competing in a particular moment, we may have to decide which one takes priority. In certain situations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then communicating that, right? Like we can just kind of like, I don't know. I'm a big fan of writing out what I'm gonna say, first, and kind of trying out different versions of it if I'm like nervous about how it's gonna come across. Yeah. And if you wanna keep the doors open right. Just say something like, thank you for thinking of me or for the opportunity. It is something I enjoy that I don't have the capacity for it at this moment. Keep me in mind for the future. Yeah. Um, I'm kind of taking that from like the email that I sent back. Right. That's sort of what I did. Mm-hmm., um, was just sort of acknowledge the, the positives and um, And just very clearly state like that, you know, it doesn't fit in with my calendar right now, or it doesn't fit in with my current current capacity. Yeah. Yeah, those are really good tips. So, um, Take time to think before you respond., I'm, I'm taking notes., . And then like evaluate your them against your goals, your values and priorities and whether or not it fits at that time. I really like the idea of like listing out or, you know, frequently, um, sitting down maybe like at the beginning of the month or once a quarter and kind of looking at what you have, you. As your priorities or goals or like what's coming up and what you might have to shift. Like there's always gonna be some sacrifices. Um, but it really helps to take the time to do that kind of planning just so that when things like this do come up, you're not like, Caught in, people pleasing and then later on resenting the , that person or whatever, because that's, yes, pretty much what happens if you make a decision that's not in alignment with your goals and priorities or values, you will regret it and resent

Rita: 40:11

things. Right, right. And that's gonna come up. Right. That does happen. And we have to, we have to work through it and make some shifts and yeah. So like something. That's actually something that came up for me. I think the last time that I agreed to do one of those workshops, um, was in that period of time where literally everything was online because of covid. Like things weren't happening in person anymore. And I think it was also at a time when like I didn't have regular childcare because of that . And I remember thinking as I was going through, The process of preparing, um, the workshop that I had, like updating it by the end of it, thinking I have put in way more time into this than I thought I was going to, and it doesn't feel worth. What I'm being compensated . Mm-hmm.. Um, it just felt so stressful and I thought, I, I'm not gonna do this again. And I forgot about that for a little while. So I'm glad that I took the time Yeah. To, to respond and really think through, like, how would that look now? How would that look differently? Just like actually going through a visualization of sort of step by step what it might look like. And that's one of the best ways that we can kind of prepare for. For challenges that we have, right? Whether it's solely interpersonal or whether it's through business and we have, you know, other people that we're interacting with even for business. So yeah, learning those, practicing those, those skills is, is, um, is pretty important. Yeah. Well,

Serena: 41:57

thank you. Yeah. So we're about at time, so can you share. Where's the best place for people to connect with you? Um, we'll have all of us linked in the show notes, of course, but, um, yeah. Where, where would you like people to connect with you if they're interested in, um, finding out what you have going on Yeah.

Rita: 42:21

Um, the best place right now is probably my website, um, rita hove coaching.com. And. I, I am also on Facebook and Instagram, but I'm not very active on socials yet., that may, may or may not change. Yeah. Um, but I'm trying to like, honor my own internal capacity and not take on too many , too many things at once. Um, yeah. So yes, I can also be found at Rita Hollow Coaching on Facebook and on Instagram. Um, So stay tuned there. Like I'll make announcements to when I, on socials, when I have new products and stuff, um, I've got some free stuff, like a sort of an audit for your inner circle, um, that's available for free, which I think you said that'll be linked in the show notes. Yep. That'll be in the show. Um, and, and from there I've got kind of a follow up. One hour workshop. Um, if, if folks want to get like a little bit more help with that or kind of take that to the next step and sort of create their own customized plan for improving their inner circle. Um, and there's a discount code for your listeners to be able to enroll in that for free. Awesome. Thank you. If they would like to do that and that that'll give you like a little bit of a taste of kind of what I do and I'm always open to. You know, people asking questions if they wanna work with me. That's awesome.

Serena: 43:59

Yeah. Thank you so much for coming on Sis . Yeah, thank you. It's fun. It has been fun, We'll talk to you soon. All right.

Rita: 44:08

Bye.